also : unbelievable: very strange or unusual : having the quality of a dream
I often find myself describing life events as surreal.
Like I'm living in a dream.
Not always a good dream. But also, not always bad. We have our good days. We have our awesome days. And we have our not so good nor awesome days. And sometimes the not so awesome days turn out to be good.
I was just given some DVD's of Neil's college days. I was home alone recovering from the stomach flu and decided to watch one. First of all, maybe not the best idea! I felt like crap and was emotional as it was, why not watch a video of my husband when he was full of life and energy? So, there I was, alone, weeping on my living room floor watching him play basketball. Playing the sport that I knew he was good at, but also knew he lost the passion he once had for it due to coach who couldn't control his temper. As I sat there, I listened to the commentators rave about Neil Reed, then a Junior, and how great he was. He was looked up to for his leadership on the team, he was a great 3 pt shooter, he was tough and determined. It was, well, pretty surreal to see this.
It's weird to learn new things about the man I married and had a family with after he has gone. Deep down I knew these things about Neil. I knew he was good. I just didn't know he was THAT GOOD. We hadn't met until way after college and he was as far removed from the sport as he could possibly make himself. He never talked about it unless asked and even then, he said the bare minimum. Aside from playing the sport, all of the qualities that he possessed as a player, stayed with him into his later life. He was a great leader. The hundreds of high school students who showed up at his funeral can attest to that. And he still could shoot. I was always amazed at his hand/eye coordination and how he never missed his target whenever he threw anything.
The first time I brought him home to a bbq at my sister's house, he stood out back with all the men drinking beers and talking. Eventually they started shooting a dog toy across the backyard to try to make it into a small flower pot on the other end. We could hear loads of laughter with each failed attempt and then there was an uproar of cheers, yep, Neil made it in the flower pot on his first try. And then again on his second. It was then, that he was "accepted" into the family by the men. The greatest thing about that, was they accepted him for his dog toy toss, not because he played college ball for a certain famous angry coach and was in the news for what that coach did to him. They liked him for him. And so did I.
It's pretty cool when other people see the video of Neil playing basketball and they comment about how much they see Mar or P in him. Or, I suppose, they see Neil in Mar & P. From how much Mar hustled on defense in her first year of basketball or P's comedic facial expressions and endless joking around. He really shines through his little girls.
Some days, I feel like this whole journey is just a dream. I will soon wake up to Neil snoring ever so peacefully next to me and life will go on as planned. He will get up and go to work and I'll take the girls to school and head to work myself. Maybe on my way, I'll call Brooke from the car and we'll catch up about how much our kids are growing and when her next trip to Cali will be. After school, Neil might pop by the gym and watch Mar practice or take P to whatever activity she's interested in that month.
But, of course, life doesn't work that way. Luckily, I get to see him every day in both of my girls. And in the reality of this crazy life, it's kinda surreal.
